Stepmom tries to evict 17-year-old stepson and 15-year-old stepdaughter, husband requests that she leave the house: 'Amanda has been so terrible to my older kids I feel like she's a different person'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 31, 2024 6:00 PM EST

Getting married when you already have kids with someone else can be a tricky situation. On the one hand, it is more likely that you have enough experience with relationships that you vow not to make the same mistakes. On the other, you have to oversee the process of your partner becoming a stepparent. With some people, there is no issue with this whatsoever, but in other cases, it can be a lot more of a process. It's certainly something that can make or break relationships.

For one man, it seemed like the relationship between his second wife and his two children from his previous marriage was reaching breaking point. Due to problems with their mom and stepdad, these kids came to live with them and their two younger children but his wife expressed concerns about them being there. After an incident between the half-siblings she wanted to kick them out, but her husband did not think she was behaving appropriately.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10448770560
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITAH for telling my wife she can leave because I'm not kicking my older kids out??
    via purpose_of_dune
  • 03
    I (43m) have been with to my current wife Amanda (42f) for the past six years and we have two daughters (Becca 4f and Eliza 2f) together while I have 2 kids from my previous marriage Liam (17m) and Sage (15f). The divorce was less than amicable and since my ex wife had more money and a better paying job she was awarded primary custody despite me fighting it. For the last 8 years I've had my older kids every other weekend and on Wednesdays. A few weeks ago my older kids asked if they could live w
    via purpose_of_dune
  • 04
    Things since Liam and Sage moved in have been hard and as much as I'd love to get some family therapy my wife is against it and we're on a waiting list. Before when my kids would come over my wife would take our daughters to her parents a lot to 'give us space' even though I never asked for it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure being a stepparent is difficult but my kids are really good kids. They have straight As, lots of friends, play sports, and are incredibly respectful. I know I'm biased but
    via purpose_of_dune
  • 05
    Our older daughter Becca is going through a biting phase. Her school wants her to get OT and I've been working with our insurance since Amanda doesn't like the one at the school but as always it seems like there's an endless waitlist. So obviously the house is tense and we've all been walking on eggshells. Then yesterday morning when I was making us some breakfast we heard a scream and Becca came into the kitchen crying and saying that Sage hit her. Amanda ran into the den where Liam and Sage we
    via purpose_of_dune
  • 06
    Things continued escalating and our girls were crying and Amanda screamed at both of my older kids to leave. Sage told her she would so she could calm down and that p ed Amanda off more. Liam and Sage left for a friends and ended up spending the night there. So for the past day Amanda has been on one saying I needed to pack their things and send them back to my ex-wife's permanently. I can't keep dealing with this BS. I told her this morning that it was an accident and she needed to let it go bu
    via purpose_of_dune
  • 07
    My parents came over and basically told me I wasn't wrong but shouldn't have said she should leave. I know there are some things you can take back but at this point I almost mean it. I would hate to deal with another divorce but Amanda has been so terrible to my older kids the past few weeks I honestly feel like she's become a different person.
    via purpose_of_dune
  • 08
    Edit just to clarify some things: when we had every other weekend plus Wednesday custody my wife would take the girls to her parents on Wednesday only, and I would take the youngest to dinner. Before we had kids she'd go to dinner but our girls aren't the best at restaurants. She would be here on weekends. My son is not violent. His stepdad believed in violence as a form of punishment which I do not and never did, but that's why they asked to live with me. Sage has gone from apologetic to fully
    via purpose_of_dune

    It certainly seems like Amanda was looking for a reason to get the teenagers out of the house, even if they didn't want to give her one. The altercation between the two sisters was unpleasant, but also something that could happen between all kinds of siblings. She appeared to have a sudden change of heart about her husband's kids when they had their own, but did this really come from nowhere?

  • 09
    writing_mm_romance I get the feeling that your wife was expecting you'd move on from your older kids once you and she had your children together. That they would be your new family and you'd just forget the first one. If she'd succeeded you would have become the divorced dad trope that I LOATHE reading about on Reddit. She underestimated your commitment to your children, she expected you to choose her. It's important to show all four of your kids that they'll be in your top priorities always. NT
    via writing_mm_romance
  • 10
    purpose_of_dune OP I told her upfront it would never happen. She brought up having them move out at 18 and I told her that was trashy and loser parent behavior and she flipped out at me. I will never abandon my kids
    via purpose_of_dune
  • 11
    writing_mm_romance I'm sorry to say dude, I think that your wife's view of your older kids may make you two fundamentally incompatible. 1) I could never, ever, ever be with a person who abandoned their or expected me to abandon my children for the relationship (I'm a gay guy and my long term partner is also childless), 2) someone who feels the need to compete with a child for attention isn't someone I'd keep in my orbit either. If I were in your shoes I'd tell her to stay at her mother's and wor
    via writing_mm_romance
  • 12
    SweetWaterfall0579 Thank you for this. She is competing with OP's children. She is forcing an ultimatum and she will lose. Just that she waited until *after Round II was born, to tell you she doesn't like them? She was always hoping they would fade away? They didn't, she wants OP to choose. I, too, will always choose my children. What kind of person asks that?
    via SweetWaterfall0579
  • 13
    Catronia You should never give an ultimatum unless you are willing to lose.
    via Catronia
  • 14
    merishore25 NTA. This woman doesn't want your children in the family. You do not have a choice at this point. Your wife is against therapy and doesn't want to work through this. Your older children must be so confused and feel the constant rejection from your wife, let alone their mother. One question I have is why did your wife always feel uncomfortable. What did they do specifically. If nothing, she just doesn't want a blended family.
    via merishore25
  • 15
    purpose_of_dune OP When we first got together she was great to them. It was after we had our first daughter that she got cold towards them. She tells me it's unfair to have to live with kids that aren't hers and has told me I need to prioritize our family. It's more than just frustrating
    via purpose_of_dune
  • 16
    Anxious_Coconut6265 She's a step mother. Living with kids that aren't hers is part of the deal. Because you only had partial physical custody she clearly convinced herself she could cope. However her true nature revealed the minute she had her own. She's asking you to live without your own kids. That's a horrific thing to ask. Although it seems she's not really asking. She's demanding.
    via Anxious_Coconut6265
  • 17
    OneChocolate 7248 NTA - as a stepmom, I hate people like your wife. She's the type that gives us a bad name. She needs to leave. Protect your children.
    via OneChocolate7248
  • 18
    BlueGreen 1956 ΝΤΑ Amanda needs to go. It's a shame you share kids with her, but I would never trust her again.
    via BlueGreen_1956
  • 19
    xmowx Yeah, at this point, it would be unfair to force the kids to live with Amanda. She made the atmosphere in OP's house toxic; living in such an environment would not be healthy for the kids.
    via xmowx
  • 20
    TemporaryProduct2279 So what I am hearing is she never liked your kids, she never made an effort because she left Everytime they stayed and that she hurt one of them and you stayed with her.....why?
    via TemporaryProduct2279
  • 21
    invisible_23 And she waited until she had a kid with OP before she told him she didn't like his older kids, that sh was deliberate. She wanted to trap him before she admitted to being a Ish who hates literal children for no reason.
    via invisible_23
  • 22
    Nonby_Gremlin NTA but make sure you talk with your older kids about how much you do love and want them. I hate that both their stepparents are being awful. Not having a safe home as a kid can be really damaging (ask me how I know.) If your wife is unwilling to do therapy/mediation then she needs to understand that WILL result in divorce.
    via Nonby_Gremlin
  • 23
    purpose_of_dune OP They do! Especially with all of the bs with their mom and stepdad.
    via purpose_of_dune
  • 24
    lucafh232 NTA. It's critical in blended families to ensure that all children feel equally welcome and safe in their home. Your primary responsibility is to protect and provide for all your children. While Amanda's feelings and difficulties in adjusting to a larger, blended family are understandable, her response to the incident and her demands are not proportionate or fair, particularly given that it was an accident confirmed by a visible bite mark. Family therapy sounds necessary, and it's conc
    via lucafh232
  • 25
    HorrorExperience7149 Just im Case op hasn't figured this out, she's therapy evasive because she knows that her problem is she never wants them around. A therapist will only deny her that goal.
    via HorrorExperience7149
  • 26
    Ok_Protection3775 NTA. If she didn't want to be a stepmom, she shouldn't have married someone with kids. Keep standing up for your kids, specially knowing that (basically) they only have you now.
    via Ok_Protection3775

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aita kids stepmom parenting stepdaughter reddit thread daughter Reddit mom stepson
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